You know you’re getting older when your back goes out more than you do.
Anon

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
Anon

If you can remain calm, you don’t have all the facts.
Anon

Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
Anon

Some patients, though conscious that their condition is perilous, recover their health simply through their contentment with the goodness of the physician.
Hippocrates 460-400 BC

Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
Anon

I was an unwanted child. After I was born, my father spent a month trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.
Anon

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience.
Merv Stockwood.

For 25 years my husband and I were deliriously happy. Then we met.
Anon

My parents were absolutely inseparable. In fact, it used to take six people to pull them apart.
Anon

Very few things upset my wife and it makes me feel special to be one of them.
Anon

‘I am’ is said to be the shortest sentence in the English language ….. ‘I do’ is the longest.
Anon

It is true that love is blind …. but marriage is certainly an eye-opener.
Anon

My wife, inviting me to sample her very first soufflé, accidentally dropped a spoonful of it on my foot, fracturing several small bones.
Woody Allen

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
Mark Twain

If you treat men the way they are, you never improve them. If you treat them the way you want them to be, you do.
Goethe

I started going to a psychiatrist when I was slightly cracked ...... I kept going until I was completely broke.
Anon

I'm changing to a new dentist as the old one got on my nerves.
Anon

Doctors and hospitals have gone back to literally the Middle Ages for a cure they say works better than anything they have in modern medicine for post-operative blood coagulation. They are going back to flesh-eating maggots and blood-sucking leeches. Or as most people know them, HMOs.
Bill Maher

Relationships are good for you .... otherwise you could go through life thinking you had no faults at all.
Anon

Overweight is something that sort of snacks up on you.
Anon

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
Anon

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of potato crisps and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Anon

If you want your partner to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say ..... talk in your sleep.
Anon

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patients.
Anon

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Anon

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
Anon

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
Anon

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.
Anon

Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Anon

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Anon

Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
Anon

Robin Hood robbed the rich only because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing.
Anon

Bad cholesterol is the kind that clogs arteries, shoplifts lipstick and lies under oath.
Anon

Talent is only the starting point.
Irving Berlin

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Anon

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Alfred Adler

But in the mud and scum of things, there always, always something sings.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

A person who didn't pay the exorcist got repossessed.
Anon

A hyena swallowed an Oxo cube and made a laughing stock of himself.
Anon

The length of a minute depends on which side of a bathroom door you're standing on.
Anon

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Anon

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Anon

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Victor Borge

It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't.
Abraham Lincoln

David Hasselhoff is now know as David Hoff since he told his publicist that he doesn't want the hassel of his old name.
Anon

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Anon

In a list of 50 Things To Do Before You Die, I would have thought an obvious one was "Shout For Help".
Anon

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
Anon

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Anon

It is much more important to know what sort of patient has a disease than what sort of disease a patient has.
Sir William Osler

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi

She got her looks from her father; he's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
Samuel Goldwyn.

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
Rudyard Kipling

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Victor Borge

Some patients, though conscious that their condition is perilous, recover their health simply through their contentment with the goodness of the physician.
Hippocrates 460-400 BC

It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't.
Abraham Lincoln

Anyone who supports capital punishment should be shot.
Colin Crompton

Peace (n): In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Ambrose Bierce

An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
Ambrose Bierce

I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Marion Pearson

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night."
Marie Corelli

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
Katharine Hepburn

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elaine Boosler

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Douglas Adams

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
George Gobol.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
WC Fields.

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
George Bernard Shaw

My reputation grows with every failure.
George Bernard Shaw

England and America are two countries divided by a common language.
George Bernard Shaw

I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents weren't married.
George Bernard Shaw

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

Only lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.
George Bernard Shaw

Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.
George Bernard Shaw

Those who can do, those who can't teach.
George Bernard Shaw

Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
George Bernard Shaw

They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
Mark Twain

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
Mark Twain

The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Mark Twian

The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark Twain

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
Mark Twain

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know, because I've done it thousands of times.
Mark Twain

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years."
Mark Twain

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page, and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
Patrick Moore.

Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: 'I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry'.
Mike Kalin

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.
Woody Allen

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns

The best of all preachers are the men who live their creeds.
Edgar A Guest

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquithe

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante

Don't worry about avoiding temptation...as you grow older, it will avoid you.
Winston Churchill

Money can't buy you happiness...but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

Truth is the most valuable thing we have..Let us economize it.
Mark Twain

There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.
A J Muste

France has more need of me than I have need of France
Napoleon I

In historical events great men - so called - are but labels serving to give a name to the event. and like labels they have the least possible connection with the event itself.
Leo Tolstoy

The truth is that it is not the sins of the fathers that descend unto the third generation, but the sorrows of the mothers.
Marilyn French

All happy families resemble one another; but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Leo Tolstoy

There are no conditions of life to which a man cannot get accustomed, especially if he sees them accepted by everyone about him.
Leo Tolstoy

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
The American Declaration of Independence, 4 July 1776

Whatever they may be in public life, whatever their relations with men, in their relations with women, all men are rapists, and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes.
Marilyn French

Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.
Germaine Greer

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with.
Anonymous woman

Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
Sir Fred Hoyle

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Bertrand Russell

Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with in vain.
Carl G. Jung

The student begins with the patient, continues with the patient, and ends his studies with the patient, using books and lectures as tools, as means to an end.
Sir William Osler

It is much more important to know what sort of patient has a disease than what sort of disease a patient has.
Sir William Osler

Science is facts; just as houses are made of stone, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not science.
Henri Poincare

From inability to let alone; from too much zeal for the new and contempt for what is old; from putting knowledge before wisdom, and science before art, and cleverness before common sense; from treating patients as cases; and from making cure of the disease more grievous than the endurance of the same, Good Lord, deliver us.
Sir Robert Hutchinson

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde

We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.
Carl Jung

On students' high-tech efforts to cheat. - "If they'd spend as much time studying, they'd all be A students."
Ron Yasbin

The other week I went to see my doctor ... I was in the waiting room, and I decided to pass the time finishing a novel. But the other patients complained about the noise of the typewriter.
Arthur Brown

To ignore the facts does not change the facts.
Anon

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Anon

I you live long enough, eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Anon

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
George Bernard Shaw

You are not Prime Minister of Australia because of some kind of process of divine selection. You are Prime Minister of Australia through the gift of the Australian people.
John Howard

In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death.
Anne Frank

Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
Isaac Goldberg

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them
John von Neumann - mathematician and computer pioneer

When I am completely myself, entirely alone, or during the night when I cannot sleep, it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence and how these come I know not, nor can I force them. Nor do I hear in my imagination the parts successively, but I hear them gleich alles zusammen - at the same time all together.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow
Grant Wood

There's no good crying over spilt milk. Just bail up another cow.
Ben Chifley

For it isn't enough to talk peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it.
Eleanor Roosevelt

It's no accident many accuse me of conducting public affairs with my heart instead of my head. Well, what if I do? Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either.
Golda Meir

Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, even as a temporary measure, is to betray it.
Germaine Greer

Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty or safety
Benjamin Franklin

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
Alice Walker

The job of a citizen is to keep his mouth open.
Gunther Grass

Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends a tiny ripple of hope ... building a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.
Robert F Kennedy

The majority oppressing a individual, is guilty of a crime, abuses its strength, and by acting on the law of the strongest breaks the foundations of society.
Thomas Jefferson

Civil disobedience becomes a sacred duty when the state becomes lawless or corrupt.
Mahatma Gandhi

A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
Adlai Ewing Stevenson

Elections belong to the people. It is their decision. If they decide to turn their backs to the fire and burn their behinds, then they will just have to sit on their blisters.
Abrahan Lincoln

It is a simple but sometimes forgotton truth that the greatest enemy to present joy and high hopes is the cultivation of retrospective bitterness.
Robert Menzies

Any human anywhere will blossom in a hundred unexpected talents and capacities simply by being given the opportunity to do so.
Doris Lessing

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.
Gloria Steinem

The foundation of every state is the education of its youth.
Diogenes Laertius

Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.
Albert Einstein

Some people think only intellect counts -- knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy.
Dean Koontz

The human race has entered a stage where we are all dependent on each other. No other country or nation should be regarded in total separation from another, let alone pitted against another.
Mikhail Gorbachev

The maltreatment of the natural world and its impoverishment leads to impoverishment of the human soul. It is related to the outburst of violence in human society. To save the natural world today means to save what is human in humanity.
Raisa Gorbachev

There are no magic answers, no miraculous methods to overcome the problems we face, just the familiar ones: honest search for understanding, education, organization, action that raises the cost of state violence for its perpetrators, or that lays the basis for institutional change - the kind of commitment that will persist despite the temptations of disillusionment, despite many failures and only limited success, inspired by the hope of a brighter future.
Noam Chomsky

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.
Charles Darwin

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde

You may not be responsible for being down, but you must be responsible for getting up.
Jesse Jackson

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Bertrand Russell

You can always spot a well-informed man -- his views are the same as yours.
Ilka Chase

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.
Franklin P. Jones

More useful than the invention of the first telephone was that of the second telephone.
Anon

My wife thinks I'm too nosey. At least, that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
Drake Sather

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Anon

Say not that you know another entirely, until you have divided an inheritance with him.
Johann Kasper Lavater

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Anon

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
Anon

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Anon

He went on a crash diet and now he looks a wreck.
Anon

My son has a new nickname for me, 'Baldy'. I've got a new word for him... 'heredity.'
Dan Savage

I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference.
Steven Wright

Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
Anon

There is a coherent plan for the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
Fred Hoyle

If anyone wishes to observe the works of nature, he should put his trust not in books of anatomy, but in his own eyes.
Galen

The chief merit of language is clearness, and we know that nothing detracts so much from this as do unfamiliar terms.
Galen

Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Gandhi

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
Ogden Nash

Never have children, only grandchildren.
Gore Vidal

Never marry a man who hates his mother, because he'll end up hating you.
Jill Bennett

Woodman, spare that tree!
Touch not a single bough!
In youth it sheltered me,
And I’ll protect it now.
From Woodman, Spare That Tree by George Pope Morris

Have no truck with first impulses for they are always generous ones.
Casimir, Comte de Montrond

One should eat to live, and not live to eat.
Moliere

If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.
Wilson Mizner

A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.
George Moore

You have not converted a man, because you have silenced him.
Lord Morley

As you pass from the tender years of youth into harsh and embittered manhood, make sure you take with you on your journey all the human emotions! Don't leave them on the road, for you will not pick them up afterwards!
Nikolai Gogal

In my humble opinion, non cooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good.
Mahatma Gandhi

Trickle-down theory - the less than elegant metaphor that if one feeds the horse enough oats, some will pass through to the road for the sparrows.
J K Galbraith

Knowledge itself is power.
Francis Bacon

Be sure that you go to the author to get at his meaning, not to find yours.
John Ruskin

Never explain – your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard

The important thing is never to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

Space isn’t remote at all. It’s only an hour’s drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
Fred Hoyle

An idea is salvation by imagination.
Frank Lloyd Wright

A stand can be made against invasion by an army; no stand can be made against invasion by an idea.
Victor Hugo

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Josh Billings

Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.
Phillip Brooks

Character is doing the right thing when no one is watching.
J C Watt

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.
Beverly Sills

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
James Baldwin

Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.
Norman R Augustine

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.
Les Brown

It is never too late to be what you might have been.
George Eliot

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.
Henry Ford

He who limps is still walking.
Stanislaw J Lec

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly
Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a broken field frozen with snow.
Langston Hughes

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
Karen - aged 7

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.
Elaine -aged 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Chris - aged 7

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
Clare - aged 6

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
Tommy - aged 6

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
Nikka - aged 6

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
Bobby - aged 7 (He'll go places.)

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.
Emily - aged 8

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
Danny - aged 7

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Terri - aged 4

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Chrissy - aged 6

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Kari - aged 5

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.
Billy - aged 4

When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - aged 8

A time will come when men will stretch out their eyes. They should see planets like our Earth.
Christopher Wren

I have every sympathy with the American who was so horrified by what he has read of the effects of smoking that he gave up reading.
Lord Conesford

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

Quantum mechanics is very impressive. But an inner voice tells me that it is not yet the real thing. The theory yields a lot, but it hardly brings us any closer to the secret of the Old One. In any case I am convinced that He doesn't play dice.
Albert Einstein

If rats are experimented on, they will develop cancer.
Morton's Law

New ideas pass through three periods:
*It can't be done."
*It probably can be done, but it's not worth doing."
*I knew it was a good idea all along !"
Arthur C. Clarke

A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.
Max Planck

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings.
Helen Keller

The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
Thomas Huxley

Life isn't worth living unless you're willing to take some big chances and go for broke.
Eliot Wiggington

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.
Steven Coallier

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
Bill Baughan

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
Anonymous

Laughter is the most healthful exertion.
Christoph Wilhelm Hufeland

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.
Buddha

Great truths about growing old:
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Great truths that adults have learned:
Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
Wrinkles don't hurt.
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

Great truths that little children have learned:
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Good friends are good for your health.
Irwin Sarason

Imagination is not a talent of some men but is the health of every man.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
Spanish proverb

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.
Billy Graham

It may be possible to incorporate laugher into daily activities, just as is done with other heart-healthy activities, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be exercise, eat right and laugh a few times a day.
Michael Miller, MD, F.A.C.C., Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center

Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies.
Ann Landers

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop peddling.
Claude Pepper

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
Alfred D. Souza

Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Gandhi

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Anon

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
Winston Churchill

Great truths about growing old
1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Success:
At age 4 success is . . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

The four stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus.
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3. You are Santa Claus.
4. You look like Santa Claus.

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
Mother Teresa

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw

Some will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon.
Thomas Blount

Where there is love there is life.
Mahatma Gandhi

While news is important, news interpretation is far more important.
Hans von Kalternborn

A good newspaper, I suppose, is a nation talking to itself.
Arthur Miller

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

The first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had different color hair from the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted.

A little girl said, "I know all about adoptions because I was adopted."

"What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child.

It means," said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."

Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us.
Thomas L. Holdcroft

Discoveries are often made by not following instructions; by going off the main road; by trying the untried.
Frank Tyger

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.
Lou Erickso

Medicine being a compendium of the successive and contradictory mistakes of medical practitioners, when we summon the wisest of them to our aid, the chances are that we may be relying on a scientific truth the error of which will be recognized in a few years' time.
Marcel Proust.

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:
A four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
Mother Teresa

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
Mother Teresa

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
John Lubbock

If we all worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true is really true, there would be little hope of advance.
Orville Wright

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right
Henry Ford

Discoveries are often made by not following instructions; by going off the main road; by trying the untried.
Frank Tyger

Free should the scholar be – free and brave … for fear is a thing which a scholar, by his very function, puts behind him.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

Worship the spirit of criticism.
Louis Pasteur

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take aims of those who work with joy.
Kahlil Gibran

The computer is a moron.
Peter Drucker

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Jeff Pesis

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear.
Alan Coren

To succeed in politics, it's often necessary to rise above your principles.
Anon

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
Plato

Anyone who supports capital punishment should be shot.
Colin Crompton

Halitosis is better than no breath at all.
Anon

Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Anon

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
Greg Norman

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Jay Leno

A man is as old as his arteries.
Thomas Sydenham

From inability to let alone; from too much zeal for the new and contempt for what is old; from putting knowledge before wisdom, and science before art, and cleverness before common sense; from treating patients as cases; and from making cure of the disease more grievous than the endurance of the same, Good Lord, deliver us.
Sir Robert Hutchinson

It is much more important to know what sort of patient has a disease than what sort of disease a patient has.
Sir William Osler

The student begins with the patient, continues with the patient, and ends his studies with the patient, using books and lectures as tools, as means to an end.
Sir William Osler

The most essential part of a student's instruction is obtained...not in the lecture-room, but at the bedside. Nothing seen there is lost; the rhythms of disease are learned by frequent repetition; its unforeseen occurences stamp themselves indelibly in the memory.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, M.D.

The education of the doctor which goes on after he has his degree is, after all, the most important part of his education.
John Shaw Billings

She got her looks from her father; he's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.
Samuel Goldwyn.

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
Rudyard Kipling

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Victor Borge

Some patients, though conscious that their condition is perilous, recover their health simply through their contentment with the goodness of the physician.
Hippocrates 460-400 BC

It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't.
Abraham Lincoln

A small drop of ink makes thousands, perhaps millions … think.
Lord Byron (Don Juan)

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Anon

Many a man's tongue broke his nose.
Seumas MacManus