A collection of humour to lighten your day, edited by Dr Stephen Wilkinson of Melbourne, Australia.

If you have heard the jokes before, or find the humour a little tame, please help us out with your jokes. To contribute good clean medical jokes, click here. Contributors will be acknowledged.

Medical Mirth Archive

Return to Homepage

A doctor attended an international conference on general practice and one professor of general practice gathered the entire audience's attention by opening with: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"

With the audience suitably shocked, he followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The audience burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well.

About a week later, back home, the GP who had attended the conference was asked to speak to his local medical community about the international meeting. He had avoided public speaking all his life and decided to use that joke as his opener to hide his discomfort. As he shyly approached the microphone, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

He decided to act confidently and said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was not my wife!"

His colleagues sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the GP finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

A GP was asked to give a talk on the circulation of the blood at a local primary school. The children were struggling with the concepts of arteries and veins. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, children, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," one child said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."

Two GPs were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world. "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one GP self-righteously. "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"

A GP was babysitting a granddaughter and they went for a walk through the local park.
He asked what she had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my other Nana."
No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Please Use 'Big People' words!"
He then asked what she had done today "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
He said "No, you took a ride on a train. You must remember to use 'Big People' words."
He then asked whether she was doing any reading. "I am reading a book with Dad," she replied.
"That's wonderful!" the grandfather said. "What book are you both reading?"
The girl thought real hard about it, then puffed out her chest with great pride, and said,
"Winnie the Shit."

A young artist checked with a local gallery to see if anyone had shown an interest in his work.
The owner said: "There is good news and bad news. The good news is someone asked if your paintings would increase in value after you died and when I told them "yes", they bought the lot".
"And the bad news?", asked the student.
"It was your GP!"

A young GP notices that all the doctors in the surgery are relatively bright first thing in the morning, but all, except one, look frazzled by evening. The one exception is an older GP who always appears fresh and happy. The younger doctor is keen to know if it is his attitude, life outside medicine, certain skills in handling people, a different range of patients and problems, would it be worthwhile sitting in with him during consultations etc. During these thoughts, he notices the other doctor in the car park and decides to seek advice.
"I get worn out from listening to people's worries and concerns and sad stories all day. What is your secret for remaining so fresh?"
The older GP smiles and says: "I never listen!"

The young doctor was part of a family physician residency program.
He was role-played "breaking bad news" and had to inform a patient that she had only minutes to live.
Is there nothing at all you can do for me in the time available?" pleaded the role-player.
The resident paused only momentarily with so little time to think or act: "I suppose I could boil you an egg!"

A patient consulted a GP about body odour and staining the armpits of his shirts. The GP suggested shaving the armpits, aluminium chloride hexahydrate topically, regular washing with soap, frequent changing of the shirt, deodorant and toilet water.
The next day he represented with a swelling along the nuchal line.
"What happened?" asked the GP.
"The toilet seat hit me on the head!"

A recently married woman woke from a dream and told her family physician husband: "I just dreamt that you gave me a beautiful, expensive pearl necklace. What do you think it means?"
"You'll find out tonight", he said.
He came home with a small, wrapped parcel.
She opened it, delighted.
It was a copy of Freud's The Interpretation of Dreams.

A medical student took a girlfriend to a posh restaurant to show off.
He said: "They've got ox tongue on the menu. I think I'll have that. What about you?"
She said, "I couldn't possibly eat anything that came from an animal's mouth. I think it's disgusting"
"What would you like then" he asked.
She said, "I think I'll just have the egg dish."

A farmer was involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck. He ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" said the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right", replied the farmer.
"You claimed you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied "I've never felt better in my life. Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but ….."
"A simple yes or no will suffice."
"Yes," replied the farmer quietly.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask the questions.
"Please tell the court the exact circumstances of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.
"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots his dead too. Then he comes straight over to me, with his gun still smoking, and asks me how I was feeling. Now, mate, what the hell would you have said to him?"

One day a poor medical student visits the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zookeeper grabs him and drags him to his office.
He thinks he is in trouble, but in fact, the zookeeper explains to the student that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the student a job to dress up as the gorilla and play the role until they can get another one.
The student accepts and the next morning and he puts on a gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd arrives.
He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play, make fun of people, earn money, do a bit of study out the back.
However, eventually the crowds get bored with him and he tires of just swinging around on tyres. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the student a raise for being such a good attraction. This goes on for some time. The student keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger and his salary keeps going up.
The one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The student is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The student is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.
Finally, the student starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!, but the lion is quick and pounces. The student soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! I'm in your year at University. Do you want to get us both fired?"

Athletes who have been staying at the Olympic village in Athens have been told to dispose of their syringes more carefully after people have been suffering needle stick injuries in the area.
On the bright side, one child with a failure to thrive who suffered numerous needle pricks has grown to around 180cms and 150 kg.

Toward the end of medical school the students were taking a CPR course using the well-known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice.
As instructed, one of the students gently shook the doll and asked, "Are you all right?"
He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.
Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"

A new shop opened in a mall. It had no sign on either the door or window. About the closest thing to any identification was a large clock in the window.
A shopper stopped in and inquired about a new battery for his watch and the clerk said that he was sorry but they didn't perform any watch repairs there.
The man said, "Well, what's the significance of that clock you have in your window?"
The clerk smiled and said, "This is a clinic for the County Hospital. All we do here is prostate and haemorrhoid examinations and treatments. What would you have us put in the window?"

"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all
hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest
in the stock market," said the man during his separation counselling.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked the GP.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

A GP who was tired with his busy, demanding life in the big city decided to take a vacation and rent an isolated chalet in the wilderness to spend time by himself.
One day, as he was strolling, getting bored with his own company, he got to the edge of a precipice. He carefully looked down and backed away quickly, amazed: "Wow, is this deep!"
He took a pebble and threw it over to hear how long it took to reach the bottom. After a while he had not heard it land, so he thought, "This must be really deep". Then he found a big stone and tossed it, and when it hit the ground some time later with an almost inaudible sound he reckoned, "This is what I call deep."
Having nothing else to do, he started to look around a found a large piece of rail. He strained a while, as it was pretty heavy, rusted and muddy, but he managed to push it over the cliff, and after some time, when he heard it hitting the ground with a big blast, he reasoned: "Now that's something!"
He had just seated himself to rest and start reflecting, when he saw a goat, bulging-eyed, heading at maximum speed directly to the seemingly bottomless pit. There was nothing he could do, in no time the goat was at the edge and jumped straight off.
The GP was stunned. "A suicidal goat, who would have thought of that?". He was still recovering from witnessing the goat's act, when a shepherd came by.
"Howdy there, did you happen to see a goat?" the shepherd asked.
"Did I?" the GP answered excitedly, "you've never seen anything like it in you life: a goat just came in galloping and jumped over the cliff with no hesitation."
The shepherd couldn't believe his ears; even more stunned than the man, all he could say was, "How was this possible, I'm asking you, how in the world was this possible, I had tethered it to a large piece of rail with an incredibly long rope!"

A man sticks his head into a GPs surgery and asks, "How long before I can see the doctor?" The receptionist replies, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can see the doctor?" The receptionist looks around at the waiting room full of patients and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the surgery door and asks, "How long before I can see the doctor?" The receptionist looks around the surgery and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The GP this time happens to be in the waiting room about to call in a patient. The receptionist explains that this has happened a few times and that perhaps she should squeeze the poor man in. The GP explains that it is probably a drug seeking patient and says to a young patient who is waiting, "Hey, Jonnie, do me a favour, please? Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait to see me, but then doesn't ever come back. I have a feeling that he is doing the round of surgeries."
A little while later, Jonnie comes back into the surgery, embarrassed. When the GP comes out again, he knowingly asks, "So, Jonnie, where did he go when he left here?"
Jonnie answered, "Your house!"

A family physician and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want."
He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.
His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"
He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right."

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anaesthetist. She called his office to demand an explanation.
"Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."

A GP was looking up some information on the internet with a patient. The doctor used the "Ask Jeeves" search engine. The patient was amazed and the GP said it could answer any question she had.
The patient was skeptical so the GP said, "It's true. Think of something to ask it."
The patient thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

A medical student was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. She was pleased to have this area.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"

"What kind of job do you do?" a lady passenger asked the man travelling in her compartment.
"I'm a naval surgeon," he replied.
"Goodness!" said the lady, "How you doctors specialize these days."

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit.
"But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm," he complained.
"That's why the suit is such a bargain," the sales clerk explained. "Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this."
"But the right leg is way too short," argued the customer.
"No problem," the sales clerk answered. "Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That's why this suit is only thirty dollars."
Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit's left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car.
Two doctors happened along and noticed him.
"Good heavens," the first doctor said to the second, "look at that poor crippled fellow."
"Yeah," answered the second doctor. "But doesn't that suit fit well?"

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband, a GP, to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She put on a Goldilocks costume.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance
floor, dancing with every nice woman he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and acted seductively. He left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After some more to drink he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made love in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put her costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a hottie in a Goldilocks outfit"

During counselling for a longstanding psycho-social problem the GP asked, "How is your sex life?"
"I have a lot of issues with sex," the patient replied.
"What kind of issues?" the GP asked.
"Oh, every edition from January 1985."

"Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."
The GP dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.
"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

A GP drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the GP and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.
"Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

A Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.

Waiter to GP at a modern pharmaceutical company sponsored educational meeting: "How did you find your steak, Sir?"
GP: "I looked under a mushroom …. and there it was."

One cold winter's day a very short lady hobbled into a doctor's office. After waiting her turn for an hour, she finally got in to see the doctor and reported that she was suffering from a severe irritation between the legs.
"Is the pain a constant one?" he asked.
"No," she said. "I notice it mostly when I go out on cold, snowy days."
"Well, sit up on this table and let's examine you," said the doctor. He instructed her to lift her skirt, studied the situation, then produced a pair of medical shears from among his instruments. While she waited fearfully, he began snipping.
"Aren't you going to use an anaesthetic?" she asked.
"That won't be necessary," he reassured her. "All right, he said at last. "Get down from the table and try walking now."
She did so, and reported, amazed, "Why I feel wonderful! What did you do?"
"It was simple," said the doctor, "I just cut two inches off the tops of your galoshes."

The medical student was reviewing the new admissions to the hospital through the A & E Department when he came upon a man covered with bandages and plaster from head to toe.
He was a bit thrown by the sight and his history taking became completely disorganized. His mind raced to the social problems for a man in this predicament and he started with: "What do you do for a living?"
"Well, I used to be a window washer."
"When did you give it up?"
"Halfway down."

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The GP had a special interest in sexual counselling.
He was amazed at the rate at which his daughter was going through pet mice. With the death of the last two he came up with a brilliant plan. Knowing she would soon be over the phase, rather than buy her more mice he decided to have the last two stuffed by a taxidermist, to keep her from grieving for more.
"I can stuff them," said the taxidermist, "But would you like them mounted?"
"No," he said with a sigh. "Just holding paws".

A small town GP was famous in the area for always catching large fish.
One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighbouring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 7.8kg.

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother who was a GP and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

A recent immigrant saw a GP about, what the doctor finally worked out by gestures and colloquialisms, constipation. The man's diet seemed adequate and there were no worrying features on history or examination. So the GP prescribed a laxative and asked the man to return in a few days for review.
Although the conversation was limited by language constraints, the man seemed to clearly understand the doctor's question "Have you moved yet?" and answered in the negative. The GP doubled the dosage and organised another review visit.
Again, at review, the answer to the question was negative and the GP doubled the dosage, entering in the notes that the man would need investigation and possible referral if this did not work.
A few days later the man returned with a wide smile.
"I take it you've moved?" asked the GP.
"Had to," said the man. "The place was …. how you say? ….. full of crap!"

A GP was covering the A & E Department of a local hospital and received a call from the mobile phone of a hunter. Apparently he had come upon his fellow hunter lying on the ground, his eyes rolled back in his head and he didn't appear to be breathing.
"I think my friend is dead! What can I do?" he yelled into the phone.
The GP in a consciously slow, calm voice said: "Let's take it one step at a time and make sure that he is really dead."
There was a silence ….. then a shot was heard.
The hunter said "OK, now what?"

A GP called on a patient to pay a condolence visit the day after the man's wife (also a patient) of 30 years has died.
When he knocked on the door, he got no answer, but the door swung open, so he decided to go in and see if everything was all right. Upon entering the hallway, before he could call out, the GP could see the man in the living room having sex with the maid.
"Jack", said the GP "Your wife just died yesterday!"
The man looked up and replied, "Doc, in this grief, do you think I know what I'm doing?"

GP: "Why are you so upset?"
Patient: "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning."
GP: "Haven't you been keen to meet him?"
Patient: "Yes, but she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."

The medical students were sick of the awful food provided at the hospital complex.
One night a kindly visitor brought a meat pie to the kitchen and said to one of the students, "Would you eat this up, love?"
Delighted at the offer, the student devoured every crumb. Soon the benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"

Upon hearing that a 97 year old patient had passed away whilst the GP was on holidays, he went straight to her widow's house to visit the 95-year-old woman and comfort her.
When he asked how her husband had died, the lady replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love last Sunday morning".
The GP was amazed, yet pleased, but also embarrassed that he had never discussed sexuality with the couple and expressed this.
"Oh, yes, doctor," she replied. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, the simple rhythm of the Ding and the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today."

A medical student is out having drinks with some mates. They notice two attractive women who are joined Siamese twins drinking all alone, being noticed but ignored by patrons. The medical student thinks they should not be shunned because of a natural variation and decides to talk to them and buy them a drink.
They wind up back at his apartment. Although identical, he is particularly attracted to one because of her personality. They are getting close to making love so he asks the other twin how she can distract herself so they can get some privacy.
She says, "I notice a slide trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone."
So she plays it while he makes love to her sister.
A few weeks later, the girls are walking past his apartment building. The girl the student was attracted to says, "Let's go up and see that guy."
The other girl says, "Do you think he'll remember us?"

A patient with obsessive-compulsive disorder was explaining his injuries to his GP:

I accidentally bumped this really big guy in a bar causing him to spill some of his drink, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, It's not very absorbent and you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

One for the centenary of Bloomsday:

A medical student applied for a part-time job as a builder's assistant.
The foreman asked: "What is the difference between a girder and a joist?"
The student thought for a while before answering; "One wrote Faust, the other Ulysses!"

A GP was calling a patient into the consulting room whom he had seen briefly at a few recent social events. "Oh, Doctor, it's so wonderful to see you!" the woman gushed. "Lately we've been like wind passing in the night."

The GP was concerned about the mother who complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.
"Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" he asked. "Or your strapping son and daughter."

"I could," the mother told the GP," but the couch is easier to move if they're not on it."

"Well, I've observed some very effective features of you being a horse," said the medical educator who was a part-time farmer. "You work diligently and faithfully and with good-humour and, if I may ask, ……., can you think of any ways of pulling the plow a little faster."

"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."

On his GP's suggestion, Bruce had moved to Queensland, Australia, hoping the warm, dry weather would do him good. Unfortunately, it didn't. Two weeks later, he was dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for the services.
Bruce's brother came in to make sure everything was taken care of. "Would you like to see the body?" the undertaker asked.
"I might as well take a look at it before the others get here."
The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket. He stood back and displayed his work.
"He looks good," the brother said. "Those two weeks in Queensland seem to have agreed with him!"

A GP went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Victoria, Australia. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of bacon and eggs. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather... "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied...."those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal."

That afternoon, while eating the meat pie his grandfather heated for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes.... so he asked again...."Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his pie the grandfather says... "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass...
"Grandfather, your dog won't let me out," he complained. Without diverting his attention from the football game, his Grandfather shouted . . . . . . . . . . "Coldwater, move!"

A medical graduate who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day.

When he pointed this out to a member of staff, she replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now."

Two elderly gents were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older.
The first man said "Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older."
"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.
"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last time I got aroused in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!"
"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.
"Years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she'd get these terrible headaches." he answered. "Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."

A woman discussed her husband with the GP. "He thinks he is suffering from hallucinations, but I'm sure he is only imagining it," she said.

For more Medical Mirth go to Medical Mirth Archive